Is Jealousy Justified in Relationships?
Why we feel it and how it affects us?
Jealousy is a feeling many people in romantic relationships know all too well. You get that unsettling feeling when you fear your partner might be drawn to someone else. Whether it’s seeing them laugh a little too hard at another person’s joke or noticing they’ve become close with a new coworker.
In love and romance, jealousy usually comes from the big worry of losing someone special to us. But no matter where it comes from, jealousy in romantic relationships is powerful. Therefore, it is important to recognize and understand its roots to ensure it doesn’t overpower the bond of love and trust.
The Biological Roots of Jealousy
Jealousy has deep roots, going back to our earliest human ancestors. Back then, people competed for essentials like food, shelter, and partners. Having a partner improves your chances of starting a family. So, getting jealous might have been nature’s way to find a mate.
In our brains, there’s a complex network of chemicals and pathways that come to life when we feel emotions, including jealousy. First, hormones like cortisol (often called the stress hormone) shoot up, making us feel uneasy and alert. Then, our brain releases dopamine — a chemical that pops up when we feel pleasure. It’s a weird mix, but it explains why jealousy can feel painful yet addictive at the same time.
How Society Influences our Views on Jealousy
We often see jealousy taking center stage when we watch movies or listen to songs. Romantic movies show characters feeling jealous when their loved one is with someone else. In songs, lyrics talk about the heartache and a pain of seeing someone you care about with another person.
These stories and tunes tell us that jealousy is a big deal; sometimes, they even make it look like a sign of true love. On the flip side, if they don’t show jealousy, we might wonder if they even care. Different cultures see jealousy in different lights.
In some places, showing jealousy openly can be seen as a sign of weakness or insecurity. In others, it’s a way of showing commitment and passion. Even within the same culture, views can change over time. What was considered normal 50 years ago might not be the case now.
Jealousy in Modern Relationships
Today’s world has digital connections, social media updates, and endless notifications. This modern landscape has reshaped the way jealousy sneaks into relationships. Previously, if your partner was out, you might wonder who they were with or what they were doing, but there was no way to know for sure.
Now, with a quick glance at a smartphone, you can see your partner’s tagged photos, their online status, or even their last seen timestamp. These tiny digital hints can spark feelings of jealousy even when there’s no real reason for concern.
Our lives are displayed online, and comparing our relationships to others is easy. If our friend posts a picture of a surprise gift from their partner, we might feel a sting of envy. Or if we see a couple’s vacation photos, we might wonder why our own relationship doesn’t look like that.
When is Jealousy Justified?
Sometimes, jealousy isn’t just an irrational emotion. There are moments when it acts as an alarm bell, telling us that something might be off in our relationship. If there are clear signs that trust is breaking, like consistent lies or secretive behaviors, it’s natural for jealousy to kick in. In such cases, jealousy isn’t just a nagging feeling; it’s a genuine response to a potential threat to the relationship.
However, it’s crucial to differentiate between protective jealousy and possessive jealousy. Protective jealousy is that alert system that warns us when our relationship might be in danger. Possessive jealousy, on the other hand, doesn’t have a real reason behind it. It comes from wanting to control or own the other person, which isn’t healthy. It’s about feeling insecure or fearing loss, even when there’s no clear sign of danger.
Jealousy can become a heavy burden on any relationship when left unchecked. It starts as a small seed of doubt but can grow into a massive tree of mistrust if we don’t address it. Moreover, unchecked jealousy doesn’t only harm the relationship; it affects our personal well-being, too. It can lead to anxiety, stress, and even depression.
